Dio - Holy Diver

I chose this video for my first post primarily because my fantasy football team is named "The Holy Divers" and I subconsciously think that writing about the song will help them win this week. But also because it displays just the right combo of 80's cheeziness, Reagen-Era nihilism and an almost exquisite lack of meaning.
I never played D&D back in the day, but this what I picture things being like...I mean if your special Dungeon Master imagination became real. Also, for some reason, I imagine this being in the same universe as the Safety Dance video, but without the merry dancing village-folk who may or may not be wearing rooster masks.

Some questions to ask yourself while watching:
1) Why does RJD kill that poor mutant guy? He seemed pretty laid back as far as mutants go. Wow, what a jerk.
2) Was the ruined church destroyed specifically for this video? I say yes.
3) Can the black cardboard cut-out devil be any more crappy? It's of 3rd-grade art class quality.
4) What the hell is this song about? Jacques Cousteau? A born-again Aquaman? The canonization of Greg Louganis?
5) And what could a lyric like: "Ride the tiger, You can see his stripes but you know he's clean" possibly mean? Is this prophecizing the rise of Tiger Woods?